I went to therapy and it changed my life.
My mother does not know I go to therapy. I don’t think she ever will. The concept of mental health is absent in India and so much more in the older generation. Seeing a therapist for mental health is still a taboo and something that people would use to label you as crazy.
I started therapy in 2018 and went to it as a last measure when I was spiraling down in a bad phase of my life. I lived alone and things just weren’t working out for me. My relationship had hit a rough patch, I hated my job, and my family was being toxic as usual. I always thought I was fine and did not need therapy. I always recommended therapy to friends even then but I considered myself sorted. I thought I knew my triggers. I had faced all that life had thrown at me till now and I could do it again.
My first therapy session was in this small garage converted to an office. I went to therapy expecting a couch in a big office like they show in the movies but here I was sitting less than 2 ft away from this man who would listen to me talk about everything that bothered me for several sessions for the next year or so.
This marked a new phase in my life. It might sound like a cheesy line but that is the truth. I learned to separate myself from the relationships in my life after I started therapy and this helped me tremendously. All this time I cared about being a girlfriend, a sister, a daughter, or a friend. I only viewed my life as a culmination of all the relationships I had with people I loved.
I learned to view them only as a part of my life. This brought me to the realization that I would always be the biggest part of my life. So it was important that I put myself first no matter what the situation is. He also recommended I read ‘Freedom from the Known by Jiddu Krishnamurti which changed my perspective about life.
“The more you know yourself, the more clarity there is. Self-knowledge has no end — you don’t come to an achievement, you don’t come to a conclusion. It is an endless river.”
― Jiddu Krishnamurti
I started therapy again in 2021. This time it was a conscious choice I made and not as a stopgap for a problem. I wanted to address my repressed emotions that were a result of the traumatic events of my childhood. Toxicity from people close to you can really hamper your growth. And when that comes from family everything you knew about the world changes. Because we are taught that family always has to stick together (this is true in the Indian context). It took me a while to understand that just spent the first two decades of your life with a few people does not mean you will always be together till the end.
It is easier to say “agree to disagree” on a social media post when you argue with someone but to say this and allow someone you love to make their own choices no matter how destructive they are is hard. I learned to let go and focus on my growth with therapy. I realized that my reaction to situations is what made it go from bad to worse. I would rather focus on how I react to them than pass on the blame.
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Therapy is life-changing but it takes a lot of effort to change things in life. Therapy can help make sense of what you are going through.
Don’t ever hesitate to seek help when you think you need it.
Resources in case you need them:
BestInU
Harmony Wellness Concepts
